Like sands through the hour glass.....

It has been a long time since I've posted anything on here. Life has gone up then down. Now I'm back to where I started when I made this blog. I am raw, numb, devoid of satire. I've learned the cold truth of reality, and I'm not optimistic. I do not believe life is fair. Anyone who tells you differently is deranged. But! I want to believe. I want that warm fuzzy at the end of the road. I thought I had finally found it. An equal, a partner in crime, a friend, a amazing lover, someone as jaded and funny and weird as myself. Turned out to be a hoax. Usually when I emotionally invest myself in something, I still expect the worse. This time I didn't and I am broken from the aftermath. I'm trying to figure what exactly is wrong, I usually can bounce back, but this time, it's just falling. Further and further. No bottom. I guess this is the backside of what I consider actual love. And it hurts.

Gut wrenching, sleeplessness, bottom of the next bottle, pain. Now I'm running away, to my comfort zone, back to the states. I'm both excited and ashamed, I feel like a disappointment. I feel like I've failed. But again.... Life is not fair and I have to keep moving. Moving towards what? I haven't a clue. But if I don't I'll become completely stagnant and will eventually rot away. So yeah. The desert is calling and I can't say no. 

I don't know how often I'll post here. I don't even know if people's still check it out but here I am alive and unwell. 

Fuck fairness. 

The way things are.

Hot Mess
[hot mes]  -adjective1.When ones thoughts or appearance are in a state of disarray but they maintain an undeniable attractiveness or beauty.

2.

a derogatory term describing a situation, behavior, appearance, etc. that is disastrously bad. Think "faux pas" but times ten. Possible origin is literal (think, steaming dogpile).

 London Calling

Riding this chaotic shit storm called the U.K.

Chaotic?

I should be more precise. Constructive chaos is the war cry of the people here. 

I met a man so immersed in his art that he had taken the human aspect out of the picture completely. He only conversed in Fibonacci sequence, drawings of sacred geometry, and symbolic hand gestures.

Sex, poetry, iconic pagan architecture, cobblestone roads, drugs, cider, tiny hats, and mighty facial hair. 

Have you ever been to a bar where their shittiest beer was free? This beer made me feel as though the pederast at the other end of the bar was trying to drug me in hopes of playing doctor in the back of his van, whilst spouting quotes from the N.A.M.B.L.A. sacred leaflets.

Yeah..... It was that bad.

When I was 3 my Aunt asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I replied "a clown".

Well..... after spending sometime here, I got what I wanted.

The advertisements here are a bit off.

 

I'm losing myself to this old city, one coin toss at a time and the coin is winning.

"The city's all wrapped up in plastic

like an electronic cocoon
if you lay in the street
you can hear it humming
filling up slowly from underground
if you close your eyes
you can observe the blue prints
the man-made DNA that spirals
breathlessly out of control
as synapse collapse
bridges snap
into a restless utopia"

One of my dreams were realized the other evening

to the somber madness that is The Tiger Lillies.

 

Deeper into the hole I go.

I don't know where this journey will take me. 

But, as the great Dr. Thompson spewed into what is now mediocre drug induced pop culture.... 

"Buy the ticket, take the ride", 

and I sir am down with that devil.

Europe 1 - US 0

Our time is done my love

We've laid it all to waste
One thousand moonlit kisses
can't sweeten this bitter taste
My desire for you is endless
and I'll love you 'till we fall
I just don't want you no more
and that's the sweetest embrace of all

Goodbye America. 

And thanks for everything.

 

I'm back

I've been busy getting my personal life in order. 

Now I have some time to commit to this blog.

To celebrate, I give you inspiring music for your "Dark Time" listening pleasure. 

 Coil - Musick to Play in the Dark Vol. 1

Released: 1999 September

Length: 1:00:00

Label: Chalice

Download Link

 Coil - Musick to Play in the Dark Vol. 2

Released: 2000 September

Length: 56:56

Label: Chalice

Download Link 

P.S. I think I will start posting more musicness from now on.

is this you??

I'm watching Our Man Flint, and noticed this....

Our Man Flint (1966)

Die Hard (1988)

And now for sometheing different.

I love Twin Peaks references

Fringe S03E10 Aired 01/22/11

Dr. Walter Bishop

Walter is an eccentric Scientist who, along with his lab partner, Dr. Bell, worked on secret government advanced technologies in areas we call "Fringe" science (his son calls them non-science). These wonderful things he worked on included means to make skin transparent, teleport people to different places and times, talk to the dead, provided they weren't dead longer than six hours and even meld two minds.

Twin Peaks S01E04 Aired 05/03/90

Dr. Lawrence Jacoby

A laid back, free spirit of a psychiatrist, Dr. Jacoby had sessions with Laura before she died.

I'm a bored and horrible person so I give you

MY BRAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!